The pants....

Always spoke about it but never fully understood it. In order to get what I want in a relationship- I have to be what I want. Understanding, compromising, confident not cocky, & 1 of the most hardest things to do for THIS woman- be submissive.  By definition being submissive is:  "inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination.". This word is notorious for  causing fear, rebellion, & anger in women. We can't confuse submission & controlling.  Allowing a man to be a man is more than the amount of money you make. That part I've never had a problem with. Now, allowing him to make the decisions, express his opinion of what WE should or should not do, be responsible for me (& I not worry) - I've struggled with them all. I've been strong & independent forever. Not because of preference but out of necessity. I know the man is suppose to wear "the pants" but when you've grown accustomed to doing it all & having EVERYONE consistently depend on you to get it done- you take off the skirt & pumps & throw on "the pants" because there's work to be done!  But how can you need a man if you are the man?~hmmm....I get it...NOW!  You have to allow him to be the gentleman you expect him to me. If he says he got it, let him have it. Talk only half as much as you listen (I'm working on that ;-) ) Be considerate, although he may make you feel that it's all about you- you have to stay grounded & make him feel like its all about him. Build him up, be honest but not critical. Inspire & be willing to communicate- clearly.  You can't learn something new if no one is willing to teach you. I must remind all women & men- it's a process. He or she may not be all that you WANT, but look again- they may be exactly what you NEED. 

Either or!

We want it all & we want it now! Gotta have patience! Yes, patience! My "perfect" guy: I want someone smart-a college grad, yet street smart. Fashionable, pants fitted but not too-tight. Treat me like a queen but not allow me to have my way ALL of the time. I wanna feel secure but not smothered. Cool with trying new things, but not over the top with it. Like classical music, but can jam with me to "No hands"- lol. Works hard, knows that i got it but offers anyways. Pays attention to my body language & knows when i need a hug or laugh. Someone who can appreciate my natural beauty in addition to my curves. He needs to be young enough to keep up with me yet mature enough to handle me; not either or.
Once you remove the gay guys, married guys, and guys who play games out of the picture what are you left with?! Exactly, mr.nice guy.....unfortunately most women (self-included) have no idea how to handle or even begin to relate to the token nice guy! *sigh We always want it all, but do I have to settle for either....or? Am I being selfish/greedy for wanting it all....NOW!? we've all met guys we liked & said "he's cool,but...." is it self-sabotage or our own insecurities that forces us to focus on the 1 thing we dislike instead of the 20 things we love? Let me get it together, let go & let flow & stop looking for either or.(taking my own advice)

Mr. Right Now

Don't confuse compromising with settling.  There IS a HUGE difference and we must be able to identify them. We all want our "Mr. Right" but did any of us ever stop to think that "Mr. Right Now" maybe all that we can currently handle or are prepared for.  Mr. Right Now could be all that we ever imagined our "Mr. Right" would be, except he has that 1 thing that we won't compromise on.  We want that perfect guy, but are we the perfect lady?  Being honest with yourself is often the most difficult thing to do. It is alright to be alone, some of us need this to find out who we really are and what we really want.  Mr. Right Now does not have to be a bad thing.  He can teach you things about yourself and keep you entertained while you're still looking for Mr. Right.  The problem presents itself when we attempt to change Mr. Right Now into Mr. Right.  Everyone that comes in and out of our lives serves a purpose, whether we choose to believe this or not.  You can choose to ignore that purpose or embrace it. Embrace the lessons, and reasons that person has been placed into your life and let go when you are suppose to.  Someone who is perfect for you now, may not be perfect forever!  

My twitter homie @Chyuuch said it best when he said: "We ain't gotta be 2gether 4ever-but let's just fully enjoy the time we have w/o wasting a second holding back.

A different point of view

Everyone has different points of view.  It is important to learn to embrace these opinions but understand your own. Know what you want and stick to it. Listening to 3 women opinions on the same subject was very interesting and all held true to their beliefs. 1 message was about the foundation of a relationship.  A guy with a good foundation will seemingly be ideal for a long-term relation.  The question that was left was simply if the woman was willing to compromise and invest the time to turn the foundation into a masterpiece. Another message was in reference to the "package deal".  Being a single mother, I can relate strongly to this.  Any guy that I consider a potential husband, will have to be strong enough to handle a "ready-made" family.  Ultimately when you accept me you accept my son, AND his father.  Not in the sense of sharing me, but in the sense of being confident and strong enough to handle those situations where we will all be around (birthday's, graduations, sports events, etc.) and also assuming some responsibility for my child as if he's your own.  The third message was rather simple but something I could still learn from and respect.  In any relationship you MUST know what you want.  Understand those things that can not be compromised on and "stick to your guns".  Make sure he understands what's the most important to you and do not settle. 

Expectations or requirements?!

Someone asked me "what are three traits you require in a mate?" My answer was consistency, good communication, & humility. Not too long ago the answer would've have been superficial traits or visual characteristics. I now realize that these are the traits I'm looking for in all relationships. Everyone isn't husband/friend material. The best thing I can do is to be as consistent & humble as possible and communicate as best as possible. It's easy to make a list.....it's hard to be the example of that list.

My first love

Oooohhhhhhh how I remember you! You were the first one that gave me butterflies, made my heart flutter, and my mind race. You taught me the true meaning of passion. Before you, I couldn't fathom the REAL meaning. Nothing on this earth could keep me from loving you! You continue to bring a smile to my face! I admire you, because there aren't many that can make me "cheese" this hard from a mere thought.You're the one I daydream about. I often wish you were still a huge part of my life and not just a fading memory. I miss you sooo much! I thank God for you, you taught me sooo much. You taught me that it was ok to just be me! You taught me about confidence and that being "different" was considered "expressive" in your eyes! You made me feel like I could take over the world. You were dependable, I knew I could count on you to be there when I needed you most. You took me places I never thought I'd get to go. You showed me that my creativity was almost effortless. You showed me that no amount of training could surpass my God-giving talents. I feel like the sky was the limit for us and I let you down....and for that I'm sorry. I still get teary-eyed sometimes when I think back on how great we were together. I can imagine where we would be today, now that we're older and more mature, if only I would've hung on! Thank you for being you and bringing out the best in me! I'm forever grateful to you & humbled by you!

DANCE....as long as I live, you'll be my first love!

Just me & u!

Having moments of weakness does not mean that your without faith, it simply means your human. So often I become consumed in being strong, I start to believe the facade sometimes. Tears cleanse the soul and don't allude to weakness as much as it reminds us of the ability to connect with our emotions.

I can't lie, lately I've questioned myself...."are you doing something wrong?" I'm attempting to stay patient and faithful although it's hard being alone. Gotta remember there's a difference between alone & lonely! I know I wrote "don't allow your loneliness to consume you," but that's definitely easier said than done. It's f-'d up when you're forced into being solo, because the one you thought was for-ever wasn't even good enough for-now! One thing I won't do is settle....no need to!

All my dreams and aspirations for me and my fam (which includes a husband) are on the horizon. I'm so thankful that I came out of my past better and not bitter. Lord knows that couldve went the other way! My faitfulness is consistent and I will not withhold it because of my past. I understand that I was made this way for a reason & refuse to let ANYONE change me. I'm a great catch, so catch me if you can!:-)