My first love

Oooohhhhhhh how I remember you! You were the first one that gave me butterflies, made my heart flutter, and my mind race. You taught me the true meaning of passion. Before you, I couldn't fathom the REAL meaning. Nothing on this earth could keep me from loving you! You continue to bring a smile to my face! I admire you, because there aren't many that can make me "cheese" this hard from a mere thought.You're the one I daydream about. I often wish you were still a huge part of my life and not just a fading memory. I miss you sooo much! I thank God for you, you taught me sooo much. You taught me that it was ok to just be me! You taught me about confidence and that being "different" was considered "expressive" in your eyes! You made me feel like I could take over the world. You were dependable, I knew I could count on you to be there when I needed you most. You took me places I never thought I'd get to go. You showed me that my creativity was almost effortless. You showed me that no amount of training could surpass my God-giving talents. I feel like the sky was the limit for us and I let you down....and for that I'm sorry. I still get teary-eyed sometimes when I think back on how great we were together. I can imagine where we would be today, now that we're older and more mature, if only I would've hung on! Thank you for being you and bringing out the best in me! I'm forever grateful to you & humbled by you!

DANCE....as long as I live, you'll be my first love!

Just me & u!

Having moments of weakness does not mean that your without faith, it simply means your human. So often I become consumed in being strong, I start to believe the facade sometimes. Tears cleanse the soul and don't allude to weakness as much as it reminds us of the ability to connect with our emotions.

I can't lie, lately I've questioned myself...."are you doing something wrong?" I'm attempting to stay patient and faithful although it's hard being alone. Gotta remember there's a difference between alone & lonely! I know I wrote "don't allow your loneliness to consume you," but that's definitely easier said than done. It's f-'d up when you're forced into being solo, because the one you thought was for-ever wasn't even good enough for-now! One thing I won't do is settle....no need to!

All my dreams and aspirations for me and my fam (which includes a husband) are on the horizon. I'm so thankful that I came out of my past better and not bitter. Lord knows that couldve went the other way! My faitfulness is consistent and I will not withhold it because of my past. I understand that I was made this way for a reason & refuse to let ANYONE change me. I'm a great catch, so catch me if you can!:-)

Would've came back for you.....

Would've came back for you, I just needed time.....~Drake

One thing we all want more of is time. Over the years, I have grown to learn that EVERY moment is made to prepare you for what's next. You have to take advantage of this time, because you can never get it back! With faith, we believe that God doesn't make mistakes. In saying that, we are inadvertently saying that all things work together for the best (good or bad). With faith, comes the acknowledgement that you trust God. The trials & challenges of today are necessary for you to move into your purpose tomorrow. Your faithfulness amidst these challenges are what counts. We all acknowledge our faith in God, yet we will (in the same breath), discount our faith because we are attempting to understand things we can not.

Faith is - a strong belief in a supernatural power or powers that control human destiny. With faith, we have to give God the glory over all situations. For time spent (it can not be a waste), & for those that have wronged us(we must forgive). We must measure our lives not by the time spent but by our actions, growth and success!

Focus

As I continue on this journey I learn more and more about myself daily. Validation comes in many forms. Self,personal, professional, and spiritual to name a view. In dealing with the constant NEED for validation, it is easy to lose focus. My need to be "different" has been fueled for years by my insecurities. I can say now that my strength has come from moments like this. Moments where all i can do is turn to Him. There's strength in allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Some are more spiritual than others, however once you learn to communicate with God it becomes easy to hear HIM. We can choose to attempt to silence what we're hearing but it will become apparent in all that we do.
I've been struggling to find my purpose & praying for clarity often. As I begin to receive clarity, I became easily distracted with other, insignificant things or people. One by one God continues to remove the things out of my way (even when I didn't want to, or didn't view them as obstacles). He wants my attention & focus to be on my purpose.

One thing that I have to remember is that although we make choices, they simply determine how easy or hard it's going to be. Ultimately, my destiny has already been decided. So I bid good bye to the people & things that don't deserve my attention. I'm focused on my purpose & if that means I'm alone for a while then I'm truly ok with that!

As you were

It's amazing to me that sooo many people don't truly know themselves. They seek out certain qualities in others that they lack or don't understand. Someone who holds grudges seeks out someone who is forgiving. Someone who is a cheater seeks out someone who is faithful. Generally, there's nothing wrong with this! The problem presents itself when people choose to accept the bad qualities without question. I know several divorced "twenty-something" women. My initial response was of course "those no good men!" After further thought, I realized I knew several happily married "twenty something" women. What do I believe is the difference between 1 group & the other? Simply put it's knowing your self worth, accepting nothing less & not letting ANYONE tell you that you're worth less (worthless)! I understand now where I went wrong! Not saying that the things that went wrong in my marriage were totally my fault, but I do assume responsibility for not demanding the respect I deserve & choosing to be content in my comfort zone instead of challenging those questionable behaviors! Everything comes down to choice, responsibility, & consequences! Choose wisely, assume responsibility, and accept the consequences for those decisions (good or bad). We have to embrace the lessons that are presented out of every situation. And remember no trial in life is meant to leave you "as you were!"

I sin too!

Really feeling some kind of way right now. I had to learn to be forgiving, humble, meek, & non-judging! Right-wrong, good-bad, gay-straight, sex-abstinence, honesty-lies! All of these things come down to choices! Everyone must remember that every decision you've made in your life hasn't been the right one & we've all been falsely accused of something! Either way what would've happened if the people closest to you (the ones that really knew you) didn't believe you or believe in you! I said initially I was feeling some kind of way- I believe I'm feeling genuine disappointment in this world once again. Just because I don't agree with you, doesn't give me the right to judge. I sin too! (& so do you) love y'all!

Friends.....how many of us have them?!

Often enough, the message you share with others; is the same message your own heart so desperately needs to hear. "Don't allow your loneliness to consume you, continue to be faithful, stay consistent".....all are phrases I utter without a second thought to friends when in need. It means the world when friends no when to say it back. Sometimes God will move someone out of your life, to make room for someone else. Other times He'll move them out to give the two of you time to grow & mature. I may not have dozens of friends, but I'll take quality over quanity any day!


A friend loveth at all times; And a brother is born for adversity- Proverbs 17:17

It's my turn!!

 People confuse sacrifice with "using".  If I make a sacrifice to do something, it's because at some point I seek to gain something in return. That's human nature.  If you expect for me to sacrifice my time, energy, or money please understand this is only a short-term thing.  I do things because I can see the "bigger" picture and because I know my steps are ordered.  My success was not given, it was earned!  I absolutely love it when people make the assumption "you got it made".  I use to get upset, argue and try to convince them of how "hard" it is.  I now take an different approach and simply tell them how "easy" God is.  Throughout my struggles, I have found continuous, renewed strength through positive energy that only gets stronger daily.  I will not be used and will speak my mind with all honestly when warranted.  "It's my turn" to reap the benefits of my sacrifices.  It is so important for women, especially young women to "know your worth, accept nothing less, and don't let anyone tell you that you are worth less (worthless)."  After making those countless sacrifices, don't forget to stand up and say "it's my turn!"  (You're worth it!! )

My addiction.....

It starts off as a smell, a question, a look! These minor,insignificant details can easily be transformed into any addiction! Something you battle with, struggle against, & fight to overcome! No seduction necessary, it's on from day one! I'm sure I'm not the only one that makes this decision at first sight! Yes or no? Once you get past the point of being concerned with what someone else will think, the decision is usually simple. I guess Drake said it best when he asked "does waiting really make us better people?" When dealing with an addiction; intentions don't mean a thing! The things you say or even promise won't mean s$&*! You become consumed with "that thing" & if this goes unchecked it can destroy you!

Being responsible!

One of my favorite sayings is "you choose your own destiny, through the decisions that you make! So choose wisely with your heart, mind & soul!"I say this often to remind myself that I'm responsible for everything that happens to me. I find that, within my generation being responsible is the exception instead of the standard. It is super disturbing because I'm raising a son! A black male, in a world where people would rather play the victim as oppose to be accountable! How did this become the normal? Our parents clearly weren't raised like that. Does it start with chores, and the fear of God? This I'm not sure of but I'm willing to try because someone is depending in me to be successful & this is something I HAVE to be responsible for!

Oh u got an iPhone huh?!?

The debate is on! How do you spend your child support? Had to get these thoughts out w/o interuppption! Being someone who has been on both sides of this issue I think of things differently. There was a time when I did it all, every need or want, Mommy had to handle it! A question was asked "how do u have an iPhone? U using child support to buy phones?" This pisses me off for a number of reason....as a parent you are responsible for taking care of your child's needs & wants! I can't wait until the child support to come to feed our child, pay the mortgage, or go shopping for back to school so you're damn right I may "technically" use that money for something else! GET OVER IT! As a father if you know your child is being provided for properly- how dare u question me or get mad b/c I upgraded to an iPhone & your ass still has a metro! Neither one of these facts change that this is your child & you are responsible for providing too! Yes there are some suspect mommies out there just like some suspect daddies! Ultimately, there are deadbeats out there but don't judge me because I have nice things- my child is taken care of with or w/o tht change!!!

My reason.....

My first official blog! Sooo excited! I love to write and find that writing (along with music)makes me feel so much better!

I've been elated lately with the direction of my life. I give all credit to God and I'm sooo thankful. Recently, I've started dating! I've been hung up on "my type" including height,weight,& age requirements. Until recently, I didn't realize how that was holding me back! I decided to date someone who's older
(37), a lot shorter (5'8) & a little heavier than I'd prefer. In 1 month, God has used this guy to show me that my requirements don't mean a thing. He's reassured me that my "one" is out there and as long as I abandon my standards andvtrust His it will work out for the best! It's not up to me- God has plans for me & knows what I need better than me! We all have to seek something deeper.